Xu Nian’an lightly traced the teacup with her slender fingers and looked at him, saying, “I gave it as a birthday gift to Ling Gelao.”

Zhao Huanxi was stunned. After a moment, he came to his senses and asked, “Why?”

Xu Nian’an noticed his expression seemed displeased. Choosing her words carefully, she explained, “Mother said that Ling Gelao is also from Jinling. Although he has repeatedly requested to retire, the Emperor has not approved it. I thought perhaps the ‘Eight Views of Jinling’ painting might soothe his longing for his hometown, so I took the liberty of giving it as a birthday gift.”

“You did this to make him notice me, just like what Zhao Huanxu did at the Ling Residence. The only difference is that Zhao Huanxu can attract Ling Gelao’s attention on his own, while you know I cannot, so you took it upon yourself to do this for me.”

Zhao Huanxi’s eyes reddened, both angry and heartbroken. “But I painted the ‘Eight Views of Jinling’ and made the lantern to make you happy, not to curry favour with some elder!”

“Don’t you want to enter officialdom? I just thought that if you could form a good relationship with Ling Gelao, even if it’s just a word or two of guidance from him, it would benefit you greatly. As long as it’s good for you, I would be happy too.” Seeing his expression, Xu Nian’an began to realise that she might have made a mistake.

“Happier than when you received the lantern I made for you?” Zhao Huanxi’s eyes glistened with tears as he asked her.

Xu Nian’an stared at him, stunned, unable to find the words to respond.

Zhao Huanxi turned and ran out.

He went straight to the stables, led a horse out of the estate, and galloped through the streets in one breath, not stopping until he reached the banks of the Bian River.

When he had come here before with Qian Ming and the others, the place had been shaded with green trees and willow branches veiled in mist. Now, as he stood here alone, the autumn wind swept through the withering trees, filling the air with a chilling bleakness that seemed to mirror his heart.

He lowered his head and tied the reins to a willow tree, then sat down against its roots on a thick layer of fallen leaves.

Lifting his gaze to watch the barge moving back and forth on the Bian River, he felt the wind dry the corners of his eyes. A self-mocking smile appeared on his face. At least he has made some progress, right? At least he didn’t cry this time.

But the moment he thought about how Dong Jiejie had given the Festive Lantern to Ling Gelao, his nose tingled, and he felt the urge to cry again.

“Huanxi, Huanxi!” Suddenly, Ge Jingxuan’s voice came from nearby.

Turning his head, Zhao Huanxi saw Ge Jingxuan stepping down from a carriage.

“Ge Xiong? Why are you here?” he asked in surprise.

Ge Jingxuan walked over, straightened the hem of his brocade robe, and sat down beside him. “I was just playing two rounds of Go with them. As I was about to head back, I saw you galloping down the street alone. You looked strange, so I followed to check on you. What happened? Weren’t things fine when we parted ways at the Ling Residence earlier?”

Zhao Huanxi lowered his head without speaking, picking up a withered yellow willow leaf and folding it between his fingers.

“Is it hard to talk about?” Ge Jingxuan asked softly.

Zhao Huanxi looked up at him. Among Qian Ming and their group, Ge Jingxuan was probably the most reliable. He also had a good relationship with his wife. Perhaps… he really could be someone to confide in.

“Do you know about the Lantern King competition at Yuxian Tower during the Mid-Autumn Festival?” Zhao Huanxi asked Ge Jingxuan.

Ge Jingxuan nodded. “Qian Ming mentioned it. He said Lu Feng won the Lantern King competition and gave it to your brother-in-law, who then gave it to your wife.”

“My wife later passed the Lantern King to her younger sister. When I got home, I painted the ‘Eight Views of Jinling’ and commissioned a craftsman to make a festive lantern to give her. She liked it, and I was very happy. But today, she actually gave that lantern to Ling Gelao as a birthday gift without even discussing it with me first.”

As Zhao Huanxi finished speaking, he turned his head away, looking at the withered leaf in his hand that was now nearly torn from being repeatedly folded.

“So, you’re upset? Are you angry because your wife disregarded your heartfelt effort, or because she’s currying favour with Ling Gelao and pandering to power?” Ge Jingxuan asked.

Zhao Huanxi replied, “Of course, I’m a little angry. But more than anger, I just feel sad. She’s not the type to curry favour, and I know she did all this for me. I don’t want her to sacrifice herself for my sake, to give up things she likes or to ingratiate herself with others. It’s a kind of grievance. It makes me feel useless, and surely she must think I’m useless too. Otherwise, why would she go behind my back to win favour with someone for me?”

“Then why do you think she’s willing to make such sacrifices for you? Is it really just because she hopes you can be useful?” Ge Jingxuan pressed further.

For a moment, Zhao Huanxi had no answer.

“Would you be willing to sacrifice for her?”

This time, Zhao Huanxi answered without hesitation, “I would.”

“Why?”

“Because I like her. As long as it makes her happy, I’m willing to do anything,” he said firmly.

Ge Jingxuan spread his hands. “There you have it. You’re willing to sacrifice for her because you like her. So why interpret her sacrifices for you as thinking you’re useless? Couldn’t it be, just like you, that she does it because she likes you?”

Zhao Huanxi was thoroughly confused by this reasoning. He stammered for a moment before saying, “It’s not the same.”

“How is it not the same? Just because she sought favour with Ling Gelao? Look, we’re all scholars. With Ling Gelao’s influence at court and the Emperor’s regard for him, do you have any idea how much it could benefit your future career if you became one of his protégés? Take a look at today’s birthday banquet. Everyone who had the chance to speak or make an impression was doing their utmost to stand out. What your wife did is perfectly understandable. At its core, it’s all because she wants the best for you.

“And you say she must think you’re useles, I can’t agree with that. If she really thought you were useless, would she have given the lantern you painted to Ling Gelao? That’s Ling Gelao we’re talking about. Ordinary things don’t catch his eye. If your painting wasn’t exceptional in your wife’s eyes, would she have thought to use it to attract his attention? You’ve got yourself stuck in a narrow mindset. To me, this is clearly about your wife believing in you and loving you. She’s making the painful sacrifice for your future, yet it ends up with you resenting her. Can you imagine how heartbroken she must be right now?” Ge Jingxuan said.

Upon hearing this, Zhao Huanxi became anxious and asked, “So what should I do now?”

Ge Jingxuan stood up, brushed the dried leaves off his brocade robe, and smiled. “It’s your wife, how would I know? Think about it yourself. I’m heading back now.”

With that, he left, leaving Zhao Huanxi sitting alone by the willow-lined embankment, dazed and still in thought.

It wasn’t until evening that Zhao Huanxi sluggishly returned to Jing Guogong Residence and headed straight for Jiaxiang House.

Xu Nian’an and Zhao Jiazhen were in Yin Furen’s room. When they saw him return, Zhao Jiazhen smiled and asked, “Where did you go? You sure timed it perfectly to come back for dinner.”

Zhao Huanxi stole a glance at Xu Nian’an, lowering his head as he replied, “I didn’t go anywhere, just took a stroll around the streets.”

Yin Furen noticed the strange atmosphere between him and Xu Nian’an but didn’t pry further. The young couple probably didn’t have any major issues, so there was no need for her to interfere.

After the meal, the four of them finished eating, and Zhao Huanxi made an excuse to read a book and slipped away.

Yin Furen, Zhao Jiazhen, and Xu Nian’an chatted for a while before each of them went their separate ways.

Xu Nian’an returned to Shenhui Courtyard and found that Yisu, Songyun, and the other maids were standing in the yard. She asked, “Were you all kicked out again?”

Songyun nodded.

Xu Nian’an didn’t call for the maids to follow her. She went into the main room and closed the door behind her.

As Xu Nian’an reached the end of the corridor, she didn’t see Zhao Huanxi. Just as she was about to look for him, she heard footsteps behind her.

Before she could turn around, he had already wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“Dong Jiejie, I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Zhao Huanxi didn’t offer any excuses, he immediately apologized. “You did it all for me, yet I complained. It’s all my fault.”

Xu Nian’an gently pulled away his arms, turned around, and looked up at him with sincerity. “I was wrong too. I acted on my own without considering your feelings. I anticipated that you might be upset, yet I still did things my way. I didn’t take your feelings into account, and I failed to appreciate your intentions. I made a mistake. I won’t do this again. Please don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you,” Zhao Huanxi replied softly, his voice tinged with sadness. “I’m just upset, upset that you gave up something you liked to pave the way for me.”

He then pulled out a long, flat brocade box from his chest. “I spent the entire afternoon at the major gold shops in the capital and finally found this for you,” he said, opening the box to reveal a delicate hairpin, “I’m giving this to you. Please don’t be angry with me.”

Xu Nian’an took the brocade box, opened it, and inside lay a plum blossom hairpin made of gold and pearls. The plum branches were beautifully arranged, and the flowers were lifelike. Though the pearls acting as the heart of the flowers were not large, each one was perfectly round, with a faint pinkish glow. The tassel’s design was also unique.

“Where did you get the silver from?” This hairpin would cost at least a few hundred taels, and Xu Nian’an knew how much pocket money Zhao Huanxi had, it was no more than fifty taels.

“I pawned the jade pendant and wrote a promissory note for 138 taels to the gold shop, agreeing to pay it back tomorrow.” Zhao Huanxi blushed, carefully asking her, “Do you like it?”

“It’s so beautiful, how could I not like it? Help me put it on,” Xu Nian’an said.

Zhao Huanxi carefully picked up the hairpin and gently placed it into her hair bun. After a brief glance, a line of poetry involuntarily rose in his mind: Her hair like clouds, her face like flowers, the golden hairpin swaying. However, when he thought of the next line, his face couldn’t help but flush. He turned his head and cleared his throat.

The line 云鬓花颜金步摇 comes from the famous Tang dynasty poem 《长恨歌》 (The Song of Everlasting Regret) by Bai Juyi. The continuation of the poem would be 芙蓉帐暖度春宵 which means;
‘In the warm lotus-patterned canopy, she spends the spring night with the Emperor.’ This poem subtly describes the intimate pleasures of Emperor Xuanzong of Tang Dynasty and his beloved consort, Yang Guifei.

“Does it look good?” Xu Nian’an asked as she touched the hairpin on her head.

“It looks beautiful, truly beautiful,” Zhao Huanxi said sincerely.

Xu Nian’an smiled and tilted her head. She had originally intended to look in the mirror, but when she glanced at the empty bedside, she realized she wasn’t quite used to it. She turned to Zhao Huanxi and said, “I still want a Festive Lantern.”

This left Zhao Huanxi in a difficult position. He hesitated and said, “It has already been sent out. It would be improper to ask for it back, right?”

Xu Nian’an smiled and said, “Of course, we can’t ask for it back. Can you make a new one for me?”

Zhao Huanxi became interested. “Alright, but… what should I paint?”

“Paint us,” Xu Nian’an replied. “That way, I’ll never give it to anyone else.”

“Paint us?” Zhao Huanxi thought for a moment, and his gaze softened with affection. “Alright, I’ll paint us.”

The young couple immediately went to the study, grinding ink and mixing colours, then unrolling the scroll.

Zhao Huanxi didn’t think much about it and quickly sketched the basic outline with just a few strokes.

Xu Nian’an leaned over to take a look. In the vast sea of peony flowers, a young man and woman were gazing at each other across the flower field.

“Are you going to start from when we first met?” Xu Nian’an asked him.

Zhao Huanxi smiled and nodded. “En!”

He stood while painting, moving the chair aside so that Xu Nian’an could sit and watch him work.

Xu Nian’an rested her elbows on the desk, propping her face up with her hands. She had originally been watching the painting, but as time went on, her gaze unconsciously drifted upwards.

First, she looked at his hand holding the brush. When she had just married him, his fingers had been slender and delicate like a woman’s, but after several months of martial arts training, his fingers had visibly become stronger. The veins were faintly visible, and the joints were more defined, giving his hands a powerful, almost forceful appearance.

His arms were long, and his shoulders were not particularly broad, somewhat on the thinner side. But with his current training, it was only a matter of time before they would become broader.

Further up was his fair neck and delicate face. Few people looked good from the bottom up, but his face could withstand being viewed from any angle.

Xu Nian’an gazed at his face and couldn’t help but ask herself, if he didn’t look so handsome, if he were of ordinary appearance or even somewhat unattractive, would she still have this much patience for him?

Even if not, it’s only human nature, after all, as the sage once said, appetite and lust are human instincts…

This is from Mencius Gaozi who said that basic desires like hunger (food) and sexual attraction (color) are natural parts of human nature. These desires are inherent to everyone, as part of what makes us human.

“Dong Jiejie, why are you staring at me so blankly?”

Xu Nian’an’s thoughts were still wandering when she suddenly heard Zhao Huanxi ask her a question.

She snapped back to reality and smiled as she replied, “You little fox spirit, you look so good. Come here and let Jiejie kiss you.”

Zhao Huanxi’s cheeks turned bright red, and his eyes, like phoenix orbs, glistened with moisture as he glanced at her. However, he obediently leaned down, bringing his cheek near her lips.

Xu Nian’an reached out and pinched his chin, turning his face to face her, then tilted her head slightly to kiss his lips. She licked, pressed, and then gently bit his lip before releasing him.

Zhao Huanxi felt his lips tingling from her teasing kiss, his mind in a daze. One hand was propped up on the desk, maintaining his bent posture as he murmured, “I want more.”

Xu Nian’an deliberately straightened her face and said, “Finish the painting first.”

Zhao Huanxi, however, could hardly focus on the painting anymore. He turned around and set his brush down.

Seeing this, Xu Nian’an got up and quickly ran toward the door of the study. But before she could reach it, Zhao Huanxi caught up to her from behind. He wrapped one arm around her waist and reached forward to close the door with his other hand.

Xu Nian’an struggled while laughing, and the two of them bumped into each other, laughing and stumbling, until they leaned against the door.